This article is the actual book Rise Of The Dead. For the plot summary, see TFMM: Rise Of The Dead.
Book[]
Prologue
The dark night
If you can imagine a giant lab, imagine it. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, just imagine it. Okay. Now imagine a crazy scientist. He could look like he’s from the simpsons or Frankenstein. Okay got all that? Good. Our story begins in this lab. The scientist had a large syringe “Alex! My human enhancement is ready! I can save people with cancer...I can make anyone stronger!”
Alex, the assistant was to be the test subject. He put his arm in front of him and rolled up his sleeve. The scientist walked forward and pushed the syringe into Alex’s arm. Alex immediately dropped to the ground and began writhing around in pain, Groaning. Then he stopped. The scientist prodded him. Then he screamed. This was the last thing he did...but not the last thing his body did.
Chapter 1
Headlines
On Mad island it was a nice day just like any other day. But a few hours later, things wouldn’t be so normal. Cole was typing away on a computer and The Four Mad Men were well...in the jungle about to do a trapeze over an alligator infested lake. This wouldn’t seem too dangerous, but they also had no harness. I think you already guessed why they were called The Four Mad Men. They were...well, mad. Corban was a shortish, murderous psychopath, Charlie was a shorter, just as crazy (if not crazier) man. Oliver was slightly taller than Corban, with red hair and a fiery temper. Nicholas was the tallest and he had black...I mean dark Brown hair, blue eyes and a nasty sense of humour. Nasty as in he made jokes that no one else laughed at, so he forced them to. “Geronimo!” screamed Charlie as he dived for the bar. He grabbed it and violently swung forward. “Oh oh!” he said as the bar snapped and he plunged towards the water. A hungry Alligator chomped at his leg (Did I forget to mention that charlie only had one leg? He had a normal leg but one metal leg because...well anyway, you get it.) He thrashed around and swam back to shore. “Wahoo! That was a good one!” shouted Corban
“Yeah! You were like wee! And the Alligator was like rahh! And you were like AHH!!! Just keep swimming just keep swimming!” Said Nicholas. Oliver was laughing to hard to talk. Ring Ring. RING RING! RINGGGGGG! Rung Corbans cell phone referring to bedtime stories. “Hello? Yeah, yeah we were doing trapeze of Lake Lake Placid is a bad movie. Ok. yah. Bye!” Corban hung up. “That was…”
Oliver cut him off “The Minister wanting us to come to his office to check out the headlines.”
“Yeah”
******************************
Cole was the minister. Yes. The Minister of Clubs and control to be precise. If the Mad Men ever got to mad then Cole would send the Agency Of Madness (AOM) to stop them. So The Four Mad Men were on their way to meet Cole in his office “Hello peops!” said Cole when they entered.
“Howdy” Said Corban.
“Hi” Said Charlie
“Bonjour!” said Nicholas
“Bugger off” Said Oliver.
“Right. Take a seat everyone. Okay we want you to go to the labs.”
“Why?”
“The scientist there has gone missing.”
Cole started talking but the four of them had already left to go down to the labs. “Okay...I’ll just go and check the cameras.”
Chapter 2
Too big a coincidence
“Ahh” said cole as he lay back in his chair with a scone and a cup of tea. Watching the security cameras was a pretty crappy job for a minister, but he enjoyed just having some Cole time. He sipped at his cup of tea. ‘Well, what music’ he thought to himself. Suddenly something caught his eye on the camera. Someone limping around behind the lab doors. Hmm. Suspicious. He picked up his walky talky “Captain Flanders, this is Minister Slotemaker, do you copy? Over.”
A shaky reply came over “This is Captain Flanders to Minister Slotes, I copy you loud and clear, please pass on the message, over.”
“Minister Slotemaker to Captain Flanders, message as follows. Please bring a few Agents Of Madness down to the lab basement, I think we have a problem, over an out.”
*************************
Nicholas smashed down the door of the lab and pointed his gun around. Corban ran through and started looking through the lab for any sign of the scientist. “He’s not here!”
“Mmm.”
Oliver looked around “Uh...what was that?”
BANG! BANG! BANG! The four of them walked down the stairs towards the banging. It was definitely in the basement. They saw the metal door. Someone-or something-was behind that door. BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!
Charlie put his hand out to open the door…
“I don’t want to open it, it’s scary!”
“Charlie” said Nicholas Calmly “Open the bloody door!!!”
“Okay, okay, but if anything bad happens, blame me.”
He twisted the doorknob and pushed it open. “ARGH!” a grey skinned bloody man in workers gear jumped out at them. The skin peeling from his head...yeah, let's not go into description, I’m already feeling sick. Anyway, this odd thing dived at them, almost tackling Charlie.
“RUNNNNNNN!!!!!” Screamed Oliver at the top of his lungs. The Four Mad Men didn't need to be told what to do. They sprinted back to the lab, back outside and into their jeep. Corban revved the engine, and sped into the forest road. “The zombie is behind us!” Said Nicholas, sweating like mad. “Who said it was a Zombie?” asked Oliver.
“Well, what would you have it be call...the Scientist is there too! They’re both undead! Well this is not my best day.”
Chapter 3
Day of the dead
Well, Nicholas’ day, and the rest of TFMM’s day would definitely get a lot worse. Although, of course, they did not know that, they had a sort of feeling that if they didn’t get back to the base quickly, things would get a lot worse. The Walker...let’s just call them Zombies...OK, to decide I’ll have to check the TFMM name book…
OFFICIAL BOOK OF TFMM NAMES
Skance-A sort of weird and/or creepy dance.
Funda-The TFMM version of F***
Sockee-Hockey, but instead 0f sticks and balls, you use Socks and tree branches.
Dundoo-An undead reanimated corpse. The Normals would refer to these as ‘Zombies’ or ‘The walking dead’. Of course, being the only people to have truthfully encountered Dundoos, TFMM knows better.
Good, so instead of Zombies, the undead will now be called Dundoos. Great. Nicholas had just checked his book of TFMM names and was telling this to the other 3 “Well, that is very interesting, so interesting that I DON’T CARE!!!!!!!” screamed Corban.
Nicholas squeaked and jumped backwards. The Dundoos were still sprinting behind them.
“Since when did Zo-Dundoos run so fast?!” Asked Charlie.
Oliver was quick to reply “Well, we have never seen a real...LOG!”
Corban stood on the brake and skidded to a halt. The Dundoos jumped onto the back of the jeep. Nicholas, Charlie and Oliver scrambled to where the Dundoos were and began kicking them. Corban slowly steered around the log before hitting the gas and speeding into the distance. Oliver pulled out a revolver and fired at the Scientist Dundoo. It roared and lunged at him.
“Eat this you lousy Wombat!” BANG! Oliver pulled the trigger with the gun aimed point blank at the Dundoo’s head. A messy spludge shot onto the ground as the Dundoo groaned and slipped backwards. At that exact moment the other Dundoo jumped off and disappeared into the bushes on the side of the gravel road. 10 minutes later, the jeep pulled up next to Bone man Dan’s hut. Dan was an American that had worked with The Four Mad Men for almost a decade. He walked out of his hut and smiled, dusting of his baggy white shirt.
“Dan! Nice to see you mate!” Said Nicholas happily as he sprung out of the jeep. “Sorry, we don’t have time to explain why we are here. Dundoos and whatnot, a bit confusing. In short, it’s the end of the world.”
“Right.” Mumbled Dan.
Chapter 4
Business as usual
The loud whirring of the helicopter quietened down as Cole walked out onto the landing pad. A well dressed man of about 37 or so stepped out of the helicopter holding a large black briefcase.
“Dr O’Malley, I’m glad you could make it.” said Cole as he shook hands with the other man. Cole lead Dr O’Malley into the Communications center.
“This is where we make sure everything is going well. We keep radio contact with the AOM 24/7 and make sure all the phones are kept in tact.” Cole then showed Dr O’Malley the Security Room, the Lunch Room, the Barracks, the Memory chamber, the film studios, TFMM’s offices and the spa baths. Dr O’Malley nodded “Thank you. Um...my company wants to buy some of your Mutant Serum. Was this really necessary?”
“I don’t know…” Cole sighed.
No one on the island actually had any idea what was going on with the Dundoos, and, like Cole’s tour, this entire segment was utterly pointless. We will now return to your normal program.
*********
Dan nodded as Nicholas explained what he had recently said he couldn’t explain, and nodded in agreement. He didn’t know why he worked for TFMM. They were nice and all, but they were complete nutters. He couldn’t really tell if Nicholas was making the whole thing up or reciting with great detail what he had just experienced. Just as Nicholas finished his story, a loud noise came from outside. Charlie grabbed a Softball bat from a box and swung it round slowly as he advanced towards the door. He kicked the door open and raised the bat above his head, only to see a very confused Agent Of Madness.
“Um, hello sir.” said the Agent.
Charlie mumbled something and slipped behind the door. Dan came to the door to see what was going on “What is it?”
“Captain Flanders needs your help. We have an unauthorised person in the science lab.”
“Ah, I see. I’ll just get my hat.” Dan grabbed his Fedora and left The Four Mad Men in his hut.
“3 people...1 Dundoo. Hmm. I wonder who will die first?” asked Corban “Place your bets now!” Corban picked up a small box and told everyone to write down their idea on a piece of paper and name it.
Chapter 5
The secret to success
Dr O’Malley finished eating his pie and carefully put his knife and fork down “Yum.” He said. Although he had expected to talk business on this journey, he was enjoying his food and the fact that his new room had a triple screen TV with surround sound. Knock Knock. “Come in.”
Cole and an Agent walked in with a trolley. On the trolley was one large syringe and a needle that was about 10 centimeters long. Cole put on a pair of white gloves and screwed the needle into the syringe “I’m afraid we have to give you a vaccination. It won’t hurt. Or, it will, but only for the next hour. Cole jabbed Dr O’Malley with the needle. He felt a stinging pain and fluid entering his arm “Why do I need a vaccination? Ow!”
Cole took the needle out and removed his gloves “Well, we don’t want any diseases spreading, do we? Now, have a nice sleep and you will be all good when you wake up.”
“OK, I’ll do-ow-that.” Dr O’Malley scratched his Orange hair and suddenly felt very sleepy. Cole smiled and left with the Agent behind him.
Cole and the Agent speed walked down the corridor “Remember my friend, if you don’t vaccinate people you will never be a successful businessman. Dr O’Malley will wake up soon, and we can start discussing the trade.”
“Good. Why are you telling me this?”
“I dunno.” Cole opened the door to his bedroom and entered. Practically as soon as he closed the door behind him the phone rang. Cole jogged over to it and picked it up “Hello?” He said “Oh hi Oliver. No. OK. WHAT?! Yes. I’ll ring him. Goodbye!” Cole rushed to the bookshelf and grabbed the phone book “Nicholas...Charlie...Cole...Dan’s hut...Corban...Captain Flanders!” Cole dialed Captain Flanders’ number “Hello? Captain Flanders! It’s an emergency! You have to leave the labs now!
***********
Oliver put the phone down and ran outside. The Dundoo was going to the labs, and no one except them and Cole new about it. Charlie climbed into the jeep and honked the horn. Oliver, Corban and Nicholas clambered in and told Charlie to go to the labs. Charlie sped down the road towards the labs, laughing maniacally as he went.
“Do you have to laugh all the time?” Asked Nicholas.
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Replied Charlie.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Soon enough the jeep arrived at the lab. Everything was quiet. Had they beaten the Dundoo? Had they stopped the virus from spreading?
“Ow.” said a voice in the bushes. Oliver uncapped his gun holster and prepared himself to use it. Only, he didn’t need to, because it wasn’t a Dundoo in the bushes. It was Dan. Dan was soaking wet, but somehow still wearing his hat. He squeezed his short beard and half a litre of water spilled onto the ground “What the heck happened dan? You look like someone tried to waterboard you!”
“Well, Oliver, that’s close enough to what happened. That...that thing attacked us. It killed the other 2. Just after the Minister finished talking to Captain Flanders it jumped out. I escaped through the back door and dived into the river to escape. It would seem that it doesn’t like water all that much.”
“This is bad. One Dundoo killing other people equals more Dundoos. We need to warn everyone.” said Corban.
Chapter 6
Oliver’s big plan
The Four Mad Men’s jeep pulled up outside the HQ. Nicholas was the first to get out, followed by Corban, followed by Dan, followed by Oliver followed by Charlie followed by...pardon? Oh, all done. They went into Cole’s office and saw him eating a small watermelon.
“Hello...wait, where is Captain Flanders?” asked Cole.
“I’m afraid he was bitten by a Dundoo.” said Nicholas sadly.
“A what?”
“A zombie, but call them Dundoos.”
“And how did this happen?”
“Techno-genetic-sciencey stuff.”
“That explains everything. So, there is a possibility that there will be a Zombie-Dundoo-virus outbreak. We have a deal happening today! What will we do?”
“What about the tourists? How will we calm them down?” Asked Corban “Angry tourists are the worst kind of tourists.”
“Wait! I have...an idea!” said Oliver happily, as if he had just won the big prize in Lotto. He waited quietly for someone to say something.
“So...what is it?” wondered Cole.
“We can hold a big party and announce it to everyone!”
“Great idea Oliver.” said Charlie sarcastically.
“Actually, that could work!” said Nicholas “Everyone loves parties, so everyone will come! And everyone will hear what we have to say!”
***************
Of course, parties take a while to set up, so 2 days later they had finally finished. Everyone crowded into the party hall and ate and danced and ate and ate and danced and danced and ate and danced and danced and danced and ate and ate and danced and ate and danced and...the publisher just hit me. I deserved that. Oliver was strutting around under the chandeliers making sure the wax didn’t melt. He was about to make his big announcement when Dr O’Malley patted him on the back.
“Hello, I am Dr O’Malley, but you can call me Bailey. I am here about the Mutant Serum deals.”
“Oh, talk to the Minister about that.”
“I have, but he is very busy.”
“Ha ha ha! Good one.”
“So, I was thinking…” Dr O’Malley was interrupted by a huge outburst from the crowd. Everyone was running around screaming, and they soon saw why. Dundoos. Cole grabbed a megaphone and stood on the stage “Everyone, please make your way calmly to the fire exit. Members of the AOM will help you from there-ah!” Dundoofied Captain Flanders limped up the stairs and charged at Cole. The Dundoo croaked and grabbed Cole “Help!” he screamed “S.O.S! S.O.S!” The Dundoo bit him on the arm, but before it could go too far, Nicholas picked up a chair and rammed it. The Dundoo roared angrily as Nicholas slammed it into the wall. Cole picked up a random shard of glass and threw it into the Dundoo’s head, killing it instantly. Black blood sprayed into Nicholas’ eyes “Yuck!” he choked. Him and Cole looked at the crowd. They were running everywhere, screaming and shouting. The Dundoo population was already rising, and this event was not helping in the slightest.
Chapter 7
The war begins
“Well, that went well.” said Oliver unconfidently.
“Yes, just like Lego Friends went well.” Said Charlie angrily.
Cole and Nicholas stumbled out of the Party hall and looked around. Corban had a sharp bit of wood in his forehead, Charlie’s metal leg was badly dented and Oliver’s hair was sticking up as if he had been electrocuted. In only 3 minutes, everyone in the Party Hall had either run away or been Dundoofied. Dr O’Malley sprinted through the fire exit and into Charlie.
“Who are you?” asked Charlie as he clenched his fists.
Dr O’Malley laughed “Uh, I apologise, I am Dr O’Malley. I am here to discuss the selling of the Mutant Serum to my company.”
“Right. That’s nice.” One punch later, the six of them climbed into the jeep and drove as fast as they could to the HQ.
“I knew we should have vaccinated all the staff first.” said Cole “Maybe it would have saved them.” Cole sadly bowed his head.
Dr O’Malley started talking “Well, we need to get to the HQ before the Dundoos out populate the humans. If they take over Mad Island, it won’t be long until the whole world is infected!”
“I’m hungry.” said Cole.
“Good idea Dr. Once we reach the HQ we will evacuate the island.” Said Nicholas.
“I’m still hungry.”
Once they reached the HQ they all jumped out of the jeep and ran inside. Everyone was doing their normal jobs “Few! We got here in time!” remarked Corban, before doing a little victory dance.
“I think we need the agency to fight the Dundoos. They have guns, don’t they?”
“Of course they have guns Nicholas, I wouldn’t let them NOT have guns. I’m hungry.”
********
The mind of a Dundoo: Food. Hungry. See humans. Want to eat them. Chew cuts. Crack bones. Humans are favourite food. Feel funny in head. Red water dripping down head. Taste nice. Yum yum. Need humans...look, humans. Yum yum. Charging for humans. Oh no. Humans have crossbow. Crossbow is spiking my leg. Ow. Humans shoot again and spike goes into brain. Ow. Me dead now.
******************
The Four Mad Men, Cole and Dr O’Malley entered the HQ and went to the Security Office. Dan was there, and he walked up to them “What’s going on?”
“The Party was a failure. There are even more Dudoos now.” said Charlie.
Oliver took a sip from a cup of water “So, what do we do now?”
“Well, if we evacuate, we might accidentally bring the Dundoo virus with us, which would not be good.” Pointed out Corban.
“You mean we aren’t leaving?” squeaked Dr O’Malley “I need to get back to the mainland! If I was in charge, I would have the AOM leave now!”
“But you're not in charge, are you? We are! So as long as you are on this island you will follow our rules. Do you understand?” said Nicholas. Dr O’Malley shrugged grumpily. Dan marched over to the TVs and pointed at 5 of them “These are the areas that have been claimed by the Dundoos. Obviously they are moving outwards towards the HQ. These guys may be stupid, but they sure are clever.”
“Right. Charlie, you take a strike force to the Theme Park rides. Dan, you take a strike force to the labs. Oliver, you take a strike force back to the Party Hall. Corban, you take a strike force to the river. I’ll go to the jungle with some commandos. Cole, you and Dr O’Malley stay here.” Ordered Nicholas dramatically. Everyone went to their posts. The war for Mad Island had begun.
Chapter 8
Bush bashing and tree hugging
Charlie led his troops through the deserted theme parks. The roller coaster track was once a symbol of fun, but thanks to the Dundoos, it now was an ominus symbol of fear and death. Charlie raised his Tommy Gun as he heard a scuffling noise coming from the Merry-go-round. The troops spread out and aimed their guns in different directions. Suddenly, a Dundoo popped up from behind a horse. It started climbing over, but Charlie thought fast and pulled the lever to full speed. The Merry-go-round was almost immediately turned into a whizzing colour storm. The Dundoo was flung from the horse and landed in the toy shop with a loud snap. Luckily, they had killed it. Unluckily, this was only wave 1, which they realised when they saw about 100 Dundoos marching towards them “Fire at will!”
****************
The Commandos crawled through the jungle. Nicholas crawled 8 meters behind them complaining about the mud “It’s sticky! I don’t like it! Can we walk?” The Commandos ignored him and moved on. These Agents had been specially trained to defend the island from any threat at any moment, but for some reason they always felt the need to crawl through the jungle, paint their face with mud camouflage that didn’t hide anything, wear sleeveless army style waistcoat things that showed the world they had six packs and army helmets with the straps hanging down. This was apparently ‘the way of the Commando’, but to Nicholas it was the way of suicide. Crrraack! Nicholas looked around and heard a thud as a brittle branch fell to the ground “AHH!” Nicholas looked ahead. 5 Dundoos had ambushed them! One Commando was dragged into the bushes, but the others stood up and began firing at the beasts. Nicholas fumbled around and pulled out a Machete. He breathed in and out before charging at the Dundoos. He slashed out and cut a Dundoo head clean off “Uhh.” More and more Dundoos began appearing out of the bushes. Nicholas was getting a bit squeamish “Time to go.” he whispered.
*************
Oliver, Corban and Dan were all having similar troubles. It seemed this was the end for The Four Mad Men. But it wasn’t. For every problem there is a solution, and if there is only one solution, take it. Nicholas was retreating, Charlie was shooting, Oliver was slapping and Corban was swimming. Dan was still looking for Dundoos though, and so far he hadn’t found any. He never would, because the Dundoos were moving to other areas, expanding their territory. Dun dun dunnnn!
Chapter 9
I’m hungry
Cole and Dr O’Malley on the other hand were still watching the security cameras. Cole had gone to the canteen and bought 8 Crusconts, 5 blocks of Black Forest Chocolate, 2 tubs of mixed Ice Cream, 18 Apples, 7 packs of 2 minute Noodles and 4 small Banana Cakes. Dr O’Malley was eating a Carrot. He would have bought more food, but Cole had gone to the Canteen first and bought almost every item on the menu. “So, how are they going?” Asked Dr O’Malley.
“They seem to be-yum-fighting the-mm-Dundoos pretty well.” Said Cole as he greedily licked his fingers for any crumbs. Dr O’Malley stared hungrily at the large pile of food still remaining “Why do you get so much food again?”
“I’m hungry. I don’t know why.”
Dr O’Malley nodded and left the room. He went straight to the phone and dialed a number “Hello. Yes, it’s me. OK. Put part 2 of the plan into action. Yes. The Scientist did not fail, our army has been completed. Good. OK. Goodbye.” Dr O’Malley hung up and returned to the Security room smiling evilly. Cole looked at him for about a minute. He shrugged and continued munching his 13th Apple “Hang on!” He shouted “Look!” Cole pointed at the screen. Nicholas was running out of the forest with exactly 23 Dundoos behind him. At the river, Corban was climbing out and heading towards the HQ. Charlie and the remnants of his troopers were retreating and Oliver was hiding behind a large speaker in the Party Hall. In short, the plan was failing. Again. Dr O’Malley sighed a hefty sigh and left the room. Cole did not know where he was going, but he didn’t really notice, because his 4th Banana Cake was delicious!
*************
Dr O’Malley went into an Elevator and clicked on the basement button. The computer asked him for an eye scan. He bent down and scanned his eye on the eye scan machine thingy majiggy. “Searching for eye scan recognition. Eye scan recognised. Good afternoon, Dr O’Malley.” The doors slid open and Dr O’Malley stepped into the cold room. A single light hung in the middle of the room, just above a strange sort of bed that was surrounded by chairs. The bed had a wire for each chair coming out of the sides. Each wire had a little needle on the end that poked into the bed. On the other end of the wires were gas masks, again, 1 per chair. It is kind of hard to explain. Just use your imagination! Dr O’Malley walked to the table and tested the gas mask to see if it fitted. He removed it a smiled. He then went to the phone in the basement and dialed the same number as before “It’s me again. The Gas Masks are all the right sizes. Of course not. Yes. I will. Exactly, all we have to do now is capture one. Yes. Goodbye, see you soon.”
*****
“Where were you?” asked Cole when Dr O’Malley returned.
“I was...looking in the basement.”
“That has security lock.”
“Well, I was going to look in the basement, but it didn’t let me.”
“Right. I’ll go and check on it if you want.”
“Oh no, you don’t have to.”
“No no, it’s fine.” Cole sped to the elevator and pressed the basement button.
“Please scan your eye.” Cole stared into the computer “Unrecognized. Incineration activated.”
“What? No!” Cole slammed all the buttons. He could hear the boilers in the roof heating up. “No! Help!” The roof began glowing red. Any minute now blue flames as hot as lava would shoot out and kill him instantly. The Elevator was heat proof. Just as the flames started shooting out, the Elevator jerked upwards. Cole fell to the floor with relief. Why did the computer not recognize him? He knew there was only one answer. Hackers.
Chapter 10
The virus spreads
Oliver breathed in deeply as the Dundoo passed by the speaker. If he moved an inch he would be spotted and torn to shreds. The Dundoo was hungry. It had missed out on eating Oliver’s strike force and was looking for some more food that it could eat by itself. It’s clothes look like they were clean a couple of hours ago but had been the main target in a mud fight. Its skin was grey and a disgusting smell followed it everywhere. Oliver cocked his gun and jumped out from his hiding spot. The Dundoo whipped around and choked in a anger. He fired 3 bullets at it and it fell over dead. Oliver breathed out and let a small laugh slip. He could hear more Dundoos coming. He had to find the others. He sprinted towards the fire exit and silently disappeared just as the Dundoos arrived. Soon enough The Four Mad Men were reunited “How did you survive?”
“The Dundoos were like roar! And I was like bang bang!”
“I killed all the attackers and definitely didn’t swim away screaming.”
“My soldiers all got eaten and gave me time to escape. Poor soldiers.”
They all had a story to tell, but there wasn’t much time. They headed to the only Unimog truck left, the one that Charlie’s team had used. Only 4 AOM members were in the truck, which made 8. To stay undercover, they decided to move through the jungle, hoping it would be safer that way.
“Hang on, what the heck happened to Dan?” asked Oliver.
“He’ll be fine.” answered Corban “We can radio him.” Corban grabbed his walkie talkie and called Dan “Dan, this is Corban speaking, do you copy? Over.”
A crackly reply came back “I copy, we are still looking for the Dundoos.”
“You mean there are none at the labs?”
“No, not a single Dundoo in sight. What should we do? Over.”
“Stay there. If no Dundoos turn up for the next hour, return to the HQ, over.”
“OK. Over and out.”
Corban put the walkie talkie down and giggled “You see, everyone is safe. Charlie groaned angrily. He was angry because he wanted to kill the Dundoos, not observe them and run away. The others did not know this, but they still kept their distance. An angry Charlie is worse than an angry tourist. The Dundoos were enlarging their population. Nicholas theorized that the only people non Dundoofied were the people in the truck and the people in the HQ. This left about 245 uninfected people fighting about 327 Dundoos. If the Dundoos got into the HQ, it would be the end for everyone. ‘If only we could find a cure’ Thought Nicholas ‘Then maybe this whole mess would be over. Maybe.’
Chapter 11
The real war
The Unimog truck rumbled across the muddy jungle, bulldozing down every tree that got in its path. They were taking the shortcut, although thanks to the trees it was even longer than the actual road trip. Mud sprayed out from the wheels, sending a sticky rain splattering everywhere. Oliver leaned out the back and saw some Dundoos running after them. He banged the roof and called for the driver to speed up. The Unimog began growling, and all of a sudden a huge rocket powered motor shot out of the roof and clanked into position. The driver clicked a small switch and the rocket motor burst into action, sending flames shooting into the Dundoos and turning them into crispy statues. The Unimog barged through the trees, and in no time at all they were back at the HQ. The Four Mad Men went inside and met up with the receptionist “We need every man, woman and child who can use a gun to be armed! This is war!” said Corban. The receptionist repeated this through the speaker, and everyone in the lobby began rushing to the armoury. Nicholas smiled “Good. It seems these recurring problems are being dealt with. Cole pulled out a shotgun from his gun cupboard and threw a triple barrelled revolver to Dr O’Malley, who thanked Cole and loaded the weapon. Cole nodded and said “Now it is time to partake in the real war.” putting emphasis on k.
“Yes.” said Dr O’Malley “The real war.”
*****
In no time at all the entire HQ had been armed. It had Gattling Guns set up on the balcony, huge robotic turrets ready to launch mini nukes and many AOM members and normal tourists ready to fight. Oliver marched back and forth along the top balcony with a microphone, so that everyone could hear him “As soon as I say fire, fire. OK?” Something snapped in the bushes. Oliver raised his binoculars and saw Dan and a couple of AOM soldiers running towards the HQ “Dan’s alive! This is great!” said Oliver. Dan started pointing behind him and screaming inaudibly. Oliver didn't need another warning though, because yet another snap was heard and an army of Dundoos launched out of the trees “FIRE!” at that moment, chaos ensued. Bullets were flying everywhere and Dundoos were falling two and fro. The commotion was made even higher when a mini nuke was launched, causing a huge explosion that shattered a section of the army. The Dundoos kept running though, and soon they were slamming into the glass doors of the HQ. Inside, Charlie fired his machine gun at the windows, not realizing they were bullet resistant. “Close the emergency locks!” yelled Cole “Three metal layers! Now!” Metal doors were lowered down to block the Dundoos, and just in time as well. As the doors were lowering, the glass was smashed and a single Dundoo dived through the gap in the metal doors just as the closed. Almost the moment he stood up everyone in the room was firing at him. Dan and his men had only just escaped fate, but they were already arming themselves “We need to evacuate this place.” said Dan when he found Cole “I agree. But how will we get away?” Cole shrugged. As the words were leaving his lips, he began groaning and lurched forward, throwing up a pile of bloody sick.
“Oh dear.” said Dan.
Chapter 12
The plot thickens
The Unimog truck rumbled across the muddy jungle, bulldozing down every tree that got in its path. They were taking the shortcut, although thanks to the trees it was even longer than the actual road trip. Mud sprayed out from the wheels, sending a sticky rain splattering everywhere. Oliver leaned out the back and saw some Dundoos running after them. He banged the roof and called for the driver to speed up. The Unimog began growling, and all of a sudden a huge rocket powered motor shot out of the roof and clanked into position. The driver clicked a small switch and the rocket motor burst into action, sending flames shooting into the Dundoos and turning them into crispy statues. The Unimog barged through the trees, and in no time at all they were back at the HQ. The Four Mad Men went inside and met up with the receptionist “We need every man, woman and child who can use a gun to be armed! This is war!” said Corban. The receptionist repeated this through the speaker, and everyone in the lobby began rushing to the armoury. Nicholas smiled “Good. It seems these recurring problems are being dealt with. Cole pulled out a shotgun from his gun cupboard and threw a triple barrelled revolver to Dr O’Malley, who thanked Cole and loaded the weapon. Cole nodded and said “Now it is time to partake in the real war.” putting emphasis on k.
“Yes.” said Dr O’Malley “The real war.”
*****
In no time at all the entire HQ had been armed. It had Gattling Guns set up on the balcony, huge robotic turrets ready to launch mini nukes and many AOM members and normal tourists ready to fight. Oliver marched back and forth along the top balcony with a microphone, so that everyone could hear him “As soon as I say fire, fire. OK?” Something snapped in the bushes. Oliver raised his binoculars and saw Dan and a couple of AOM soldiers running towards the HQ “Dan’s alive! This is great!” said Oliver. Dan started pointing behind him and screaming inaudibly. Oliver didn't need another warning though, because yet another snap was heard and an army of Dundoos launched out of the trees “FIRE!” at that moment, chaos ensued. Bullets were flying everywhere and Dundoos were falling two and fro. The commotion was made even higher when a mini nuke was launched, causing a huge explosion that shattered a section of the army. The Dundoos kept running though, and soon they were slamming into the glass doors of the HQ. Inside, Charlie fired his machine gun at the windows, not realizing they were bullet resistant. “Close the emergency locks!” yelled Cole “Three metal layers! Now!” Metal doors were lowered down to block the Dundoos, and just in time as well. As the doors were lowering, the glass was smashed and a single Dundoo dived through the gap in the metal doors just as the closed. Almost the moment he stood up everyone in the room was firing at him. Dan and his men had only just escaped fate, but they were already arming themselves “We need to evacuate this place.” said Dan when he found Cole “I agree. But how will we get away?” Cole shrugged. As the words were leaving his lips, he began groaning and lurched forward, throwing up a pile of bloody sick.
“Oh dear.” said Dan.
Chapter 13
Growing pains
Dr O’Malley walked down the long corridor towards the landing pad. With Cole out for the count, he had recently announced himself substitute minister, and now his colleagues were coming, and their mission would soon be completed. The Helicopter landed slowly on the pad as Dr O’Malley walked out to it. An extraordinarily skinny man with a bald head skipped out of the sliding door. He shook hands with Dr O’Malley “Hello Dr James, good to see you.” said Dr O’Malley. Dr James nodded and stepped aside as a woman with curly blonde hair and a chubby man with a walking stick climbed out “Miss Silvia, Dr Blackbourne. I’m glad you all made it.”
“We would give anything for this opportunity.” said Miss Silvia. Dr Blackbourne nodded as Dr O’Malley led them towards the elevator “It is very lucky that Mr Slotemaker got sick, otherwise I don’t think we could have got this far.”
“Do you have the mutant serum?” asked Dr James.
“Yes, the trades ended just before this trouble started.”
“Good.” Dr James smiled. Dr O’Malley stopped suddenly and turned the corner to the elevator “We’ll be getting some Agents from the AOM to help us out.”
“Yes, we may need that.” said Dr Blackbourne.
*****
Soon enough, Dr O’Malley, Dr Blackbourne, Miss Silvia and Dr James were heading back to the the helicopter, this time with a small group of Agents behind them. They all loaded into the helicopter and took off. The blade spun around as fast as possible and the helicopter sped towards the nearest Dundoos. When the Dundoos spotted the helicopter, they charged after it, roaring and growling and roaring and growling and roaring and growling...you get the idea. Dr O’Malley ordered the pilot to go low, and the helicopter flew down until it was hovering just a metre above the ground. Miss Silvia passed a small cannon to an Agent, who clicked it into the side railing and prepared to aim it, not that he needed to, because just then a Dundoo dived at the helicopter. The Agent pressed a button on the cannon and a net flew out and wrapped around the Dundoo. The net was connected to the helicopter, and the pilot steered it up and turned around to head back to the HQ. The helicopter landed softly and the agents dragged the netted Dundoo into a holding cell. Dr O’Malley got out of the helicopter and turned around, face to face with Nicholas.
“Can I help you?” asked Dr O’Malley. Nicholas frowned.
Chapter 14
A problem of security
“I don’t like what you are doing Mr O’Malley.”
“Dr O’Malley actually.”
“I don’t care! Why have you captured a Dundoo? He could infect everyone in the HQ!”
“It matters not old chap, we will use him to our advantage.”
“You’ll be hearing from our lawyers!” Nicholas spun around on his heel and marched away. Dr O’Malley nodded at two Agents, who walked forward with electric batons and zapped Nicholas on the back. Nicholas gasped and collapsed. Dr O’Malley kneeled down next to Nicholas “Sorry about that. Take him away!” The Agents loaded Nicholas onto a stretcher and took him to a holding cell. Dr James came over to Dr O’Malley “I suppose he needs to be dealt with?” he said, rubbing his hands together.
“On the contrary. He won’t escape.”
*****
Corban sat down next to Cole “Did you hear what happened?”
“What?” said Cole as he sat up.
“Dr O’Malley is the Minister now, and he arrested Nicholas.”
“He can’t do that!”
“Well, obviously he doesn’t see it that way.”
“No, he can arrest Nicholas, I don’t care, but he can’t replace me!”
“OK, I thought you’d be more worried about Nicholas. He’s the one that hired you all those years ago as his PA. If it wasn’t for him you would NOT have your job.”
“Yes...I see your point. But how can he replace me?”
“Well, only as a substitute minister.”
“Thank god. Has he done anything else?”
“Yup. He has captured a Dundoo and bought it to the HQ.”
“Damn. I never should have trusted him. He went into the basement, and when I went down in the elevator I was almost incinerated!”
“OK. I need to tell the others.”
*****
“He did WHAT?” exclaimed Oliver.
“You heard me.”
“How can he get away with that?”
“Well, his excuse was that Nicholas was going too crazy.”
“Was he?” said Charlie, scratching his head.
“No. He even altered the security cameras.”
“I should have known that numpty was rotten when I first met him.” Charlie was getting angrier by the minute “Why did we even let him onto the island?”
“Well, he seemed nice…” Corban bit his lip “Actually, why was he here? He said it was for the mutant shark serum, but he worked for S.I.”
“What is S.I?” asked Oliver.
“Security Industries, they make weapons. Why would they need the mutant serum?”
“For weapons. Duh!”
“Well, we can ask the Shark feeder, he’s still alive.”
“Good! What are we waiting for?”
Chapter 15
Science!
Yes, I understand that the Dundoos have been away for a while, but I don’t care if you don’t like it. Shut up and keep reading if you want more gore and Dundoos.
*****
Dr O’Malley led Dr James, Miss Silvia and Dr Blackbourne out of the elevator and into the basement. A pair of Agents shoved the captive Dundoo out behind them with a bag tied over its head. It writhed around, and a third agent zapped it with his electric baton. The Dundoo was forcefully strapped to the bed, and the bag was swiped from its head. The four Scientists sat down in their chairs and prepared to put on their gas masks.
“If you would all take your capsule of Mutant Serum and inject it into yourself, I would be very grateful.” said Dr O’Malley. Everyone did this and then placed their gas masks on. The wires were plugged into the Dundoo’s head, and the three Agents stood back. Dr Blackbourne giggled psychotically “It’s alive!”
Dr O’Malley placed his gas mask on and picked up a remote control. He slammed a button. Sparks flew out of the Dundoos and up the wires. The scientists started jiggling about from electric shocks, and the Agents stood back, screaming their heads off. Then, everything went quiet. They removed their gas masks and looked in the hand held mirrors that they happened to be holding “It worked!” said Miss Silvia. Yes, the science experiment had worked, the four humans were now amazingly clever Dundoos. The Master Race.
*****
To explain why they were now ultimate undead people, we have to talk about science. You see, when they injected themselves with the Mutant Shark Serum, it upgraded their genes, so when they mixed it with the Dundoo DNA, it created a new race! (By the way, the Dundoo test subject was now a burnt little piece of ash on the basement floor.)
******
“AHHHHH!” Two of the Agents sprinted into the elevator, only to be incinerated. The third Agent held out a pair of sticks like a cross screaming “Go back to the abyss foul demons!” This may have worked, except she made an X, not a +, so the Master Dundoos cracked her skull in half on the corner of the bed. Loverly.
Chapter 16
The 4th Reich
“It looks like the Dundoos have gone to regroup.” said Charlie.
“Good, we have time to do things.” The Three Mad Men walked over the balcony and into the inside lake were the Mutant Sharks lived. There was an electric fence around the lake and a metal bridge across the middle. The man who looked after the Sharks was an Irishman called Aengus McDougal. He constantly complained about people thinking he was Scottish, but that involved a $!#* ton of swearing, so we won’t get into that. Oliver walked up to Aengus, who was throwing human limbs into the tank. How he got them, I don’t know. “Oi, Aengus, did you give Dr O’Malley the Mutant Serum?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t know aboot that, like.”
“Well...did you give anyone the Mutant Serum recently?”
“Oh, aye, I tank he ate to many taters, like.”
“Did you get his name?”
“Oh, I tank his neme was Dr Blackbourne, said he needed it to create a new warrior, like.”
Oliver smiled and went off the bridge back to the others “So they want to create a new weapon using the Serum...AND the Dundoo virus?”
“Oh, Tet would explain it, like.” said Aengus, suddenly appearing beside Oliver.
“Ah! Back to work Aengus!”
“Oh, OK, like.” Aengus chuckled and skipped back to the bucket of limbs “We need to stop Dr O’Malley as soon as possible!” said Corban.
*****
Dr O’Malley was currently leading his friends out into the Corn Fields of Madness. They had escaped by ripping a couple of guards in half, and were now looking for the Dundoos. Unfortunately for them, the Mutant Serum didn’t get rid of some of the simpler Dundoo genes, for example an inability to speak any real language apart from the words ‘Brains’ ‘in’ and ‘there’. Fortunately for them, they could still say some words like ‘we’ ‘Fourth’ and ‘Reich’. They could find the Dundoos pretty easily due to their amazingly disgusting smell. Dr James was getting hungry, and being a Master Race Dundoo, he really wanted some brains. The Dundoos were currently sleeping beside a giant bonfire, and obviously they didn’t know the effect of fire on a human body, seeing as some were sleeping in the fire. Miss Silvia pulled out a revolver and fired it in the air, waking all the Dundoos up from their nonexistent dreams. Dr O’Malley climbed onto the roof of a crashed Mini Cooper and began talking “Brains...in...there!” he pointed at the HQ “We...Fourth...Reich!” this was enough to get the Dundoos going, and they all started cheering (If throwing up can be called cheering). Dr O’Malley said his last word that wouldn’t be brains, in, there, we, fourth or Reich “ATTACK!” The army of Dundoos had a leader now, and with someone to encourage them, they charged into the Corn Fields, tripping over Corn Cobs and trampling each other like a herd of angry Elephants running at full speed towards a pack of homeless Monkeys. (I don’t care if Monkeys don’t live in packs, editor, so don’t you dare delete this bit!!!!!(Or this bit either, because it’s a joke, get it?))
Chapter 17
Multiple swear words that would get a movie an R18 rating
The cell that Nicholas was being kept in had a wall made entirely of iron bars. It was placed in the level of the HQ just above the Basement but just below ground level, so he had seen the Dundoo getting taken away by Dr O’Malley and his gang of pirates. Nicholas was sitting alone singing ‘Yellow Submarine’ as loudly as possible, hoping to get someone’s attention. It didn’t work. Big surprise. Nicholas kept singing, and then, out of the blue, Charlie popped up with a crowbar. He slammed it on the lock and smashed the door open. Corban and Oliver popped up behind him with weapons. Nicholas smiled delightfully “You came! You came to rescue me!”
“Well, yeah. The Three Mad Men, or TTMM, Doesn’t quite sound right.” said Charlie. Nicholas leaped to his feet and danced over to his friends “So, what’s going on?”
“We just got news that Dr O’Malley and his three friends have turned into amazing Mutant/Dundoo things and are rallying the other Dundoos to attack the HQ.”
“Right...that isn’t good, is it. What are we going to do?”
“We are going to partake in the real war!” said Corban.
“Well...you mean we weren’t already doing that?”
“Shut up.” Thus, The Four Mad Men were reunited once more (yes, it happens an awful lot, doesn't it?) and they set out to battle the latest edition to the TFMM Rouge’s Gallery, including (but not limited to) The TTs, The Frightful Four and Puku Nuku. They walked outside and looked ahead at the Corn Fields of Madness, where a giant Dundoo army was stumbling around and slowly but surely making their way towards the HQ. Nicholas stroked his beardless chin “On second thoughts, maybe we should just go and find the Master Dundoo things.”
“Yeah, the Dundoos seem to be ruining their attack without any help.”
*****
Cole was reading Playboy when Dan entered to see how he was. Cole slammed the magazine shut and chucked it under his bed.
“Minister, how are you?”
Cole sighed “I think I’m getting better. I haven’t felt to hungry recently...truth be told, I’m absolutely ravenous, but apparently the immune system is wrong and eating actually speeds the transformation up.”
“Well, I actually came to tell you some terrible news.”
“What?”
“That jerk Dr O’Malley and his pals have mixed the Dundoo virus and the Mutant Shark Serum together and turned themselves into clever Dundoos. Now they’re leading the Dundoos to attack the HQ.”
“That is bad. I need to help out!”
“But you haven’t recovered!”
“I’ll be fine.” Cole climbed out of bed, but winced as soon as he stood up. Dan looked at Cole’s leg wound and saw that it was worse than ever.
Chapter 18
Into the skies
“Oh dear. That’s not good.”
“Get back into bed, it’ll heal up.”
“No. I have to do this. I’d rather die than become a Dundoo.” Cole limped out, ignoring Dan, who was begging him not to go. Cole exited the building and went onto the landing pad, where Dr O’Malley’s helicopter was still landed. Cole called for two Agents, and they climbed in. One prepared a minigun turret on the railing of the helicopter, and one was seated as the co-pilot. Cole climbed in. Dan walked up to the window “Any last words?”
“Don’t be so negative. If I do die though, tell The Four Mad Men that if they replace me with a sore loser, I will come back to haunt the HQ. Got that?”
“I’ll do that.” Dan smiled and returned to the HQ to watch the helicopter launch into the skies.
*****
The Four Mad Men exited the building and went into the garage, where a single Kombi was parked. Charlie smiled evilly and dived into the driver's seat. Nicholas, Oliver and Corban piled into the back. Each of them had equipped themselves with a shotgun tied to their back, a bullet proof vest, two lugers and a tommy-gun. Charlie laughed his car driving laugh and slammed the accelerator, smashing right through the garage door. This Kombi happened to be the same one that Corban and Charlie had armed with wheel spikes, spare tire bombs, door missile launchers, machine guns in the headlights and a mini nuke turret on the roof for good luck. The Kombi plowed through any Dundoos that got in the way with ease, and by the time they had got past the army, the wheels were smothered with blood. The Four Mad Men marched out of their transport and loaded their weapons. They saw the Mini Cooper and raised their guns. They were going to shoot as soon as they got into the clearing, but when they did get into the clearing, not a soul was in sight. “They must have gone to the HQ.” said Nicholas.
“How boring. Does that mean we came out here for no reason what so ever?”
“Yes Charlie.” Oliver said as he smashed the side mirror off the Mini Cooper. As he smashed the side mirror, the Corn fields began to blow sideways. “I think God must like Minis Oliver!” shouted Nicholas over the roaring wind. They looked up and saw Cole’s helicopter hovering above them. Cole put his face up to the window and waved. The Four Mad Men waved back as the helicopter picked up speed and flew towards the Dundoo army.
Chapter 19
Battle of the Corn Crops
The Dundoos all looked to the skies as soon as the helicopter came over them. One particularly aggressive Dundoo roared at the top of his lungs and began beating his chest like a Gorilla. The gunner placed a cigar his mouth and laughed before pulling the trigger and unleashing an eruption of bullets onto the Dundoos. Countless Dundoos fell in this battle, which has simply become known as-you guessed it-the battle of the Corn Crops. Cole spun the helicopter around while the gunner continuously fired. This sent a deadly spray of bullets into every Dundoo that didn’t get out of the way in time. Cole laughed crazily while this happened, and the Co-Pilot just sat back with a distorted look of mangled fear on her face. Cole leaned over, and kept on spinning the helicopter. “Are you OK?”
“Yes sir, I just feel a little sick.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll have defeated these buggers pretty soon…” Cole’s sentence was cut short by a bloodcurdling scream from the gunner. Both Cole and the Co-Pilot turned around to see what was happening. To their surprise, a Dundoo had jumped into the helicopter and thrown the gunner into the hoard. Cole stared helplessly as the gunner was shredded to pieces by countless Dundoos. The Co-Pilot pulled out a Derringer Pistol and undid her seatbelt. She climbed over and shot the Dundoo almost point blank in the brains. Cole gave her the thumbs up, which she returned “I suppose I’ll have to take the gunner position sir!” sadly, not every story has a happy ending, for just as the words left her lips, yet another Dundoo jumped onto the side of the helicopter. It bit her shoulder and threw her against the wall. Cole saw this happen and made an attempt to pull out his throwing knife. The Dundoo saw what he was doing and unleashed its full fury on him. It growled and dived at him, biting a huge chunk of flesh out of his neck. Cole unsheathed the knife and jammed it into his attacker’s throat. The Dundoo coughed and died. Cole held a handkerchief over his neck, trying to stop the bleeding, but he was unsuccessful. He began to cough up almost a quarter of a cup of blood at a time. He looked out the window and saw the Dundoos, still begging for more blood. He looked at the two dead bodies in the helicopter, and this was when he realized that the end was nigh. He opened up the loudspeaker cap and spoke into it so that all the Dundoos heard “See you in hell you mother fudgers!” Cole forced the control stick down, and the helicopter collided with the Dundoo hoard in a spectacular explosion of blood, guts and fire. Thus perished Cole Slotemaker.
Chapter 20
The showdown
“Jesus Christ! Did you see that?” Corban pointed at the fiery wreck of the helicopter. The few surviving Dundoos that were involved in the incident were walking in circles, shocked at the sudden death of multiple of their kind. Some suddenly dropped dead from shock, while others just sat and stared at the flame. “Cole is dead. I’m so sad!” said Nicholas “He was my friend! Oh well, can’t be helped! Do you guys want to kill some Dundoos?”
******
So instead of mourning the loss of one of their oldest friends, our heroes (If they deserve that title) set off to fight the Dundoos. With their guns loaded, they were ready for a bloodbath. The Dundoos quickly forgot the explosion and charged into battle. Charlie dropped his guns, yanked a random fence post out of the ground and swung it into the nearest Dundoo’s head, splattering its brains onto the Corn (He did all this while keeping up a considerable pace.) Nicholas pulled out his dual Lugers and began shooting bullets out all over the place. Many Dundoos fell down dead, and the fields were stained with blood. Oliver held down the trigger of his Tommy Gun and sent bullets flying all over the place. A Dundoo dived onto his back and he swung the Drum into its head. Corban got the but of his rifle and chopped his way to the end of the fields. Soon enough all the Dundoos that had survived the explosion were dead, and The Four Mad Men came to another clearing. This one did not have a mini cooper in it, but instead had a Toyota Hilux. In the distance, more Dundoos were walking towards the HQ. “That was fun!” said Charlie chirpily “Let’s do it again!”
They prepared their weapons, and were about to charge at their enemies, when the Master Dundoos stepped in front of them blocking their way.
“Hello...me don’t like what you be doing here.” said Dr O’Malley (Who had redeveloped his speech).
“That is unfortunate...oh well!” Nicholas raised his guns, only to be punched square in the face by Dr Blackbourne. He rolled his eyes and fell over backwards. After that the Master Dundoos completely pummeled The Four Mad Men. There were broken bones, bleeding noses and big bruises, but none of these wounds were inflicted on the Master Dundoos. Dr O’Malley laughed evilly and kicked Corban in the face as the mad man rolled over defeated. This would have been the end of The Four Mad Men, but luckily for them it was at that moment that a large group of Agents led by Dan charged out of the HQ, shooting and chopping and slaying any Dundoo that got within a foot of them. The Master Dundoos groaned angrily and went to fight the Agents, leaving The Four Mad Men in a pool of their own blood.
Chapter 21
Saviours
A small force of Agents led by Dan were cutting through the Corn Crops towards The Four Mad Men, who, as I said previously, were left lying in a pool of their own blood. Dan pointed to them and the force ran over to their bosses. Dan felt for each mad man’s pulse and nodded each time “They’re all alive. We need to get them into the Kombi and take them back to the HQ.” so Dan helped the Agents carry The Four Mad Men into the back of the Kombi and prop them up with cushions. Nicholas woke up screaming, which woke up all his friends “AH! Watzat! Heaven is duller than I thought…”
Charlie scrambled clumsily to his feet “This ain’t no dull place! This is the back of a Kombi!” He knocked on the window into the driver's seat loudly until an Agent opened it. “Yes sir?”
“We need to go to the HQ!”
“Yes, we are just killing some Zombies first.”
Oliver jumped up and shoved Charlie away from the window “They’re called Dundoos you jerk!” he snapped.
“Dundoos? Yeah right, and I’m Mickey Mouse! Dundoos. Ha ha!” Chuckled the Agent. Oliver gave a death stare to the Agent and managed to slam the window. Corban was in the open boot of the Kombi crawling around like a Dog with soap in its mouth...or with rabies. Nicholas dragged himself up the seat and leaned over to see what was happening. He asked what he was doing, to which Corban hastily replied “I’m looking for something.” Nicholas asked what, but Corban giggled and kept searching without another word.
*****
“Dammit! Had...chance...threw away!” Dr O’Malley kicked a decapitated Dundoo head as if it was a football, sending it flying into the distance. The Agents had left, and when the Master Dundoos returned to finish killing The Four Mad Men, their enemies had gone “It...not...too...bad.” said Miss Silvia “We...still...have...more...chance...to...come.”
Dr O’Malley agreed as he grabbed a rusty machete that was embedded in an Agent’s guts and yanked it out. He wiped the blood onto his face (Most likely for dramatic effect) and ordered the last 207 Dundoos to attack the HQ. It would seem he couldn’t think of any plans more interesting than that. As a side note, there were about 130 humans left. Hurray.
Chapter 22
The Final Countdown
The moment the emergency doors were closed, the Dundoos began preparing their attack. The Four Mad Men ordered everyone to go to battle. The turrets were re-positioned, the mini nukes were reloaded, the Agents were armed and ready to shoot any Dundoo in sight. The end was coming closer, and The Four Mad Men new this. Dan got his trusty shotgun and fedora ready and went up onto the balcony. Aengus kept feeding his Sharks, seeing as the Dundoo invasion didn’t seem to affect him in the slightest. The emergency doors were given extra layers to give the humans more time to escape when the Dundoos began breaking through. If this was to be the end, then The Four Mad Men would have it be such an end that would be written in the history books for centuries. Generations would hear about how The Four Mad Men gave up their lives to save the world...oh, and that Cole dude did the same, but no one really cares about that.
*****
No matter how unorganized the Dundoos seemed previously no longer mattered. The Master Dundoos had taught them how to use guns and also how to develop their brains, not degrade them. Although Dundoos with guns may sound dangerous, they aren’t; they just sort of continuously pull the trigger, which is effective if your target is a metre away from you, but otherwise it is pretty useless. Dr O’Malley prepared his evil plan while Dr James climbed onto the Hilux and grabbed a megaphone that happened to be near him “We...eat...brains...now! We...destroy...humans...and...claim...Mad Island...for...we! That...not...sound...
correct...” The Dundoos yowled with anticipation for blood to be spilt, and Dr James congratulated himself for his speech and leaped off the Hilux. Dr O’Malley had finished preparing his plan and he showed it to the rest of the Master Dundoos. Before you ask, no, I won’t be telling you what it is. Yet. See if you can guess. You won’t. I think. You probably will.
*****
The Agents raised their snipers and pointed them at the Corn Fields of Madness. The Dundoos had gone...or had they? The crops began swaying as the Dundoos emerged out of them. “FIRE!” screamed an Agent. Every Agent pulled the trigger, and every bullet found its mark in the head of a Dundoo. This was the battle that would determine who would win. This was the battle that would determine...the end.
Chapter 23
Blood and guts
Dundoos slammed into the doors and began pounding at them. With the force of every Dundoo, the glass doors were quickly destroyed, leaving only four layers of solid metal. Agents in the lobby began setting up a defence mechanism just in case the Dundoos broke through, while Agents on the balcony and roofs fired relentlessly at the invaders. The Four Mad Men were in the kitchen making some Pasta for themselves, and they were ready to attack any Dundoo that came in...as long as the Dundoos hated cheese, otherwise they were in some deep sh...
******
On the ground, Miss Silvia was using a buzzsaw to cut into the electrical supply. Sparks flew into her heavy black welder mask and onto the slippery pavement. Soon enough she had broken through the 20 layers of bullet resistant glass and the concrete that was a foot deep and the explosive protection covering, which revealed a confusing circuit board. She crawled into the passageway and pulled the circuit board towards her. Once it was out she pulled out a hefty pair of pliers and started plucking away at any wire that was labelled ‘emergency doors’ or ‘lights’.
*****
The lights in the lobby began flickering madly until they shut off all together. The Agents inside looked up at the roof to see what had happened, but their attention was quickly taken by the emergency doors, which suddenly began to open. Dan ran to the bazooka turret in the center of the lobby and aimed it at the doors. “Get to the top of the stairs!” he cried to the other people inside. An Agent picked up a missile and loaded it into the bazooka. The doors thudded loudly into the roof and the Dundoos swarmed in. Dan pulled the trigger, sending the missile into the Dundoos. The explosion blasted multiple Dundoos away, but more took their place. “Fall back!” said Dan to the Agent. The two of them sprinted up the stairs. Dundoos crashed up behind them, pushing each other of the steps so they could get to fresh meat. A Dundoo with black teeth and ragged clothing grabbed the Agent’s ankle and dragged him into the hoard. The Agent screamed with aguish as the Dundoos began their feast. Dan got to the top of the stairs and yelled “Do it now!” A tourist got a detonator and clicked the button, causing some explosives to go off under the stairs. Dundoos flew into the air with bits of rubble. Some were crushed and some were unharmed. The force cheered, but their celebration was soon cut short...
Chapter 24
More blood and guts
The elevator doors opened, revealing even Dundoos. The force raised their weapons and went into battle, snapping bones, splattering brains and creating all out carnage. It was at this moment that The Four Mad Men finished Pasta making. A Dundoo attempted to sneak onto the balcony, but he was introduced to a rusty crowbar by Charlie. Blood sprayed onto the floor, and soon enough every survivor in the HQ was inside fighting the Dundoos. A Dundoo grabbed a human and bit him on the throat, sending a stream of blood into another fellow’s face. An Agent swung a baseball bat into a Dundoo’s head, leaving a mushy sludge on the wall. Nicholas armed himself with a cutlass and began thrashing out at any Dundoo within a one metre radius. Madness was ensuing, violence was ensuing, and all out confusion of who was who was ensuing seeing as everyone was covered in blood and guts.
*****
The few people that weren't covered in blood and guts were the Master Dundoos and Aengus. The Master Dundoos were making their way towards the Mutant Shark tank while the battle with the Dundoos was happening. The elevator dinged and they all marched out towards the tank room.
“Oh, can I help yer, like?” asked Aengus.
Miss Silvia punched him in the face.
“Oh, ouch, like.” He muttered as he fell face first onto the cold marble floor. Dr Blackbourne and Miss Silvia began operating the Shark lifting crane while Dr O’Malley and Dr James supervised it. “A little to the right, a little to the left.” they said in usion. The crane plunged into the water and grabbed the first shark that swam past. Huge waves of water surged out of the tank as the shark struggled around, but the crane just lifted it up and placed it on the huge mat that had been set out. Dr O’Malley pulled out a huge syringe (Nearly a meter long and a foot wide!) and dug the needle into the shark’s thick skin. Dr James walked over to Dr O’Malley “So...do....think...will work?”
Dr O’Malley nodded and pulled the syringe out. It was full with a huge pool of the shark’s blood, although it seemed unaffected. The shark was then lifted up again and dropped into the water. The Master Dundoo’s were so caught up in the action that they didn’t spot Aengus running out to warn TFMM.
Chapter 25
The Four Mad Men VS The Master Dundoos
“OH, INVASION, IT’S A TRAP, LIKE!” screamed Aengus. He sprinted up to Corban, who was currently using a meat cleaver to hack a smelly old Dundoo to death. Aengus opened his mouth to repeat what he had just said, but it was filled up with a spray of black blood. Corban turned around and raised his meat cleaver to kill Aengus, only to realize he wasn’t a Dundoo.
“What did you say?” he asked.
Aengus spat out the blood and repeated what he had said.
“Oh dear.” said Corban as he wiped his face with a bloody hand “Oi, Charlie, Nicholas, Oliver!”
The other members of TFMM ran over to Corban.
Corban explained what Aengus had told him.
“Well then, there’s only one thing we can do.” said Nicholas.
“What’s that?”
Nicholas smiled evilly “We must cut of the heads of the snakes! We will kill The Master Dundoos.”
******
While all that hullabaloo was going on, The Master Dundoos were preparing a special machine to turn The Mutant Shark blood into a gas to bomb the Dundoo Army with. Dr O’Malley was doing the least work, and his friends were doing a bit more work than him.
“Machine...need...be...finished...before...idiotic...mad...men... come ...ruin everything.” complained Dr O’Malley.
“As...usual.” said Dr James, wiping his sweaty head.
“NOT SO FAST!” screamed Charlie at the top of his lungs. He was standing at the door with a minigun. Behind him stood Nicholas with an explosive Crossbow, Oliver with an AK-47 and Corban with an explosive Shotgun. The Master Dundoos left their work and prepared their own weapons.
“You...really....are...quaint.” said Dr O’Malley.
Dr Blackbourne giggled maniacally.
But TFMM were fed up with talking. They raised their weapons and unleashed their full firepower on the machine that was being built.
“NOOOOOO!” said all The Master Dundoos.
TFMM cheered and high fived and cheered and high fived and cheered and then The Master Dundoos attacked. Dr O’Malley tackled Oliver and began choking him. Dr Blackbourne swung his fists around and punched Nicholas into the wall. Miss Silvia began firing her pistols at Corban. Dr James got a metal part from the broken machine and used it as a sword against Charlie. The final battle of the final battle was finally coming to an end.
Chapter 26
Fish food
Dr James charged at Charlie and bought his sword crashing down. If Charlie had not dived out of the way, he would have been cut in two. Nicholas was attempting to escape Dr Blackbourne’s Death Hug, and he was almost out of breath. Corban was having an extremely dramatic shootout with Miss Silvia, and everyone else was trying to keep out of their way. Last but least, Oliver was punching Dr O’Malley around, or he was trying to, but in reality Dr O’Malley was kicking Oliver to death.
********
Charlie leaped towards his Minigun, and as Dr James swiped his sword towards Charlie, the latter opened fire. Dr James was blasted backwards until Charlie ran out of bullets. There, the good Doctor quietly croaked “That...not...very...nice…”. His skinny body slumped lifelessly to the floor in a pool of blood. Charlie sighed a sigh of relieved relief and fell unconscious.
Oliver was also lying on the floor in a pool of blood, seeing as Dr. O’Malley was still kicking him. And punching him. It wasn’t very nice. Miss Silvia raised her double revolvers and aimed them at Corban. The two shots rang out through the room, and Corban ducked to escape death. His shotgun was out of ammo, which was not so good for him.
“You...not...keep...fighting...forever!” yelled Miss Silvia.
Corban realized she was right “Yeah, but neither can you!” he said. He threw his shotgun at her, and it hit her in the head.
“You...bastard!” said Miss Silvia.
“Language!” said Dr O’Malley, pausing on his beating up of Oliver.
Nicholas was also having trouble in the grip of Dr Blackbourne.
“Please, can’t we come to some sort of agreement?” pleaded the Mad Man.
“No.”
“Well, in that case…” Nicholas picked up Corban’s shotgun (which was still lying on the floor with Miss Silvia’s blood on it) and forced the but of it through Dr Blackbournes chest. Blood exploded out the back of the Dundoo’s stomach, and with one final groan, he was dead.
Miss Silvia wiped the blood off her face and unsheathed her katana. Corban did the same. It was time for the epic showdown of awesomeness…
Then Miss Silvia cut of Corban’s ear.
Corban didn’t like that, which is understandable.
Then Corban cut off Miss Silvia’s head.
Then Corban passed out, adding to the collection of unconscious Mad Men. Only Oliver was left, and he was still taking a beating from Dr O’Malley.
“Please-OW-stop! All your-OW-friends are-OW-dead!”
“I...not...care!” said Dr.O’Malley.
By now Oliver, who was almost dead, had had enough. With a single swift push, he launched himself at Dr O’Malley.
“What...the…”
Oliver punched Dr O’Malley in mid air, and the Master Dundoo slipped on the slippery floor, sending him flying backwards. Before he could even scream, Bruce, the biggest of all the mutant sharks, leaped up and caught him in his jaws. Oliver was drenched in blood.
“Phew!” gasped Oliver as he passed out.
Chapter 27
The aftermath
“Wake up! Come on guys!”
When The Four Mad Men awoke, Dan was slapping their faces. Behind him, multiple workers were cleaning up.
“So, it turned out that when you destroyed that machine, it released the gas onto the island.”
“The Mutant Shark Virus!” Said Charlie.
“So all the Dundoos are Master Dundoos now?” Said Nicholas.
“And the world will end!” Said Corban.
“Which means we’ll never get a reward?” Said Oliver.
“Actually…” Said Dan “No. It turns out that if to mix the Dundoo Virus with the Mutant Virus you had to do it on a human who was not yet infected. It just cured all the remaining Dundoos.”
“Well...that seems unexpectedly happy.” Nicholas stroked his chin like a detective as he said this “What next, Cole’s still alive?”
Dan shook his head and took The Four Mad Men into the lobby of the HQ. The floor was stained with huge puddles of blood, and there were hardly any people that were not wounded.
“It will take a long time before the island reopens, and we still don’t know why the scientist created the virus. I understand that he wanted it to be a cure, but he was never ordered to make it anyway!”
“Yes, it’s all rather mysterious, but I suppose we'll never know.” said Cole.
Just kidding.
Said Corban.
Everything was in ruins, seeing as the Dundoos had reeked havoc all across the island. Dan was right, it would take a long time before Mad Island would reopen to the public. There was also the problem of finding a new Minister, but that could wait.
Chapter 28
Cover story
Two months later, The Four Mad Men were called into the office of the stand-in-minister, Bob. Bob was a towering bearded man, who was forced to stand up at his desk so that his chair didn’t break. When The Four Mad Men sat down, Bob immediately began to talk.
“The headlines. You have always come down here to check the headlines with the minister, haven’t you?”
“Well, yes…” shrugged Charlie.
“Don’t interrupt!” snapped Bob “The latest headlines are all over the newspapers!” Bob slammed a wobbly pile of newspaper from all around the globe onto his desk “‘Mad Men Are Too Mad’, ‘Mad Island Zombie Outbreak Destroys Life’, and look at this one ‘The Four Mad Men Staff Are As Mad As Their Bosses’. This cannot go on any longer! We have created a cover story that you four will tell the media whenever you are questioned about this, OK?”
“What would that be?” asked Nicholas.
Bob grinned menacingly before continuing “The virus was just a test and everyone that died was a robot. You’ll be surprised at what the media believes. We have also discovered that every tourist that was zombified lost their memory, which is lucky because that will work with the cover story. Am I making myself clear?”
“Crystal clear.” said The Four Mad Men in usion.
As they left, Oliver turned around to face Bob and said “By the way, they were Dundoos, not Zombies.”
***************************************
By the end of the next year, Mad Island was back up and running. In fact, the stories of the Dundoos became extremely popular. Dundoo soft toys were sold to little kids, first person shooter video games were sold where you could play as any of The Four Mad Men, Cole, Bob, Aengus and Dan, and Nicholas ended up writing a book about it.
And yes, that is the book you are reading right now.
What a twist.
(Don’t ask how I knew everything that happened even though I wasn’t there for some of it)
There was still one problem however, and that was the problem of Dr O’Malley’s company.
Again, don’t ask how I know this.
Chapter 29
All happy families are alike
“So, Dr O’Malley failed his mission. How...unfortunate.” said the shadowy figure at the head of the table.
“Master, there are still other ways to destroy TFMM.”
“Please continue.”
“Our contact in South America, he still owes us one.”
“Good. Find him, and give him his mission.”
“It would be my pleasure.”
********
Well, life on the island had pretty much gone back to normal. Charlie tries to eat one of us every day, Oliver still rages at people, Corban bought himself an iron ear and I...I am amazing because I’m me. Obviously.
